This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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