whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
