So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
