that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
