Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
