I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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