Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Randomize
