Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
