I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
