I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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