make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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