he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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