I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
