At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
