you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
