the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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