kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
