You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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