I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize