turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
