Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
