Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
