I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
