I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
