My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
