i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
