does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize