dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
40s are totally the cure
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Who died my cat blue again?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
