I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just took my morning after pill in the library
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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