He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
