Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
