There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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