Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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