Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
