Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
