I wish I could punch you in the face.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
