Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
