We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
