I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just blew my weed a kiss
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
