I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
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