theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
too bad you live with your parents still
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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