that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
