I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
