My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
