i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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