he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
