I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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