Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize