I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
