Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
