You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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