I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
