I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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