there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
