I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize
