So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
