Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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