If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
