***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
