Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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