Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
