That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
