The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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