i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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