Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
