if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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