why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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