Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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