everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
