ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
