Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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