Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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