I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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