I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
