I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
